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Resolutions? Stick ’em up!

Dear Melinda,

I saw your post the other day about not bothering with New Year Resolutions, but that we should all assign a theme to the year, instead.

What a great idea! You say that we should choose something that resonates with us; something that embodies something that has been missing from our daily life. I don’t have any money, Melinda, so my theme for this year is ‘getting rich’ and I plan to rob a bank.

The topics you suggest are mindfulness, movement and enjoyment. And I think you are absolutely on the button with this, Melinda, because I can see that in order to get away with the loot, I’m going to have to pay attention to bamboozling the security cameras. I’m going to wear those new tights with the holly pattern that Santa sent me. (It’s all right, I’m going to put them on my head, I’m not that daft.) I’ll certainly pay attention to the present moment, although, given the circumstances, I’m not sure I’ll be able to stop and focus entirely on a child that wants to have a chat. No matter how much you say it will help my fibromyalgia. And then of course, movement is going to be really important. You say it’s good idea to make a mundane task more fun by adding music or a companion, so my husband is coming with me and he’s been practising vaulting over the kitchen table to Vivaldi’s Four Seasons.

That wasn’t so successful at first, as I should have cleared away the Christmas candlesticks, but apart from a slight limp he’s much better now and he should be able to clear Julie’s drawers in 6.9 seconds. Julie is the cashier who’ll be on duty. (There’s only ever one, however big the queue). We’ve told her all about it, so she’ll have plenty of time to get under the counter. She has a dicky heart, so we thought it right to give her fair warning. Getting away might be a bit tricky, but we’ve got our mobility scooters charged, and we can ditch them and get on a bus once we’re safely round the corner.

Enjoyment, of course, is what we’re really looking forward to. Imagine, Melinda, we’ll be able to afford to put the central heating on, and we may even go to Eastbourne for the weekend. We’ll be able to buy a nice bottle of sherry to celebrate; not something we’d normally do, as our usual New Year’s resolution is to give up drinking.  But there, that’s all down to you, Melinda. Goodbye resolutions, hello themes! Thank you so much for the advice. I think it will change our lives.

Yours sincerely,

Noel and Holly.

About elainecanham

I started blogging because I'm a writer, and I thought I ought to. Now I realise that I blog because I lwant to; even when I can't think of much to say. I do a lot of work for local businesses - get in touch if you like my style.


11 thoughts on “Resolutions? Stick ’em up!

  1. Snort! That was great. So far as resolutions go, I’m taking heart from this quote from Catherine O’Hara: “I know. I’m lazy. But I made myself a New Years resolution that I would write myself something really special. Which means I have ’til December, right?”

    A woman after my own heart.

    Posted by annabutlerfiction | January 5, 2014, 12:36 pm
  2. Hi Elaine! This resolution makes about as much sense as the one I made last year. I.E. get organized. It backfired. I love the memory stick, I have a memory pantry door. Whenever I have an appointment or something I HAVE to do, I have resorted to writing it in huge letters on a sheet of paper and sticking it to my pantry door. Sometimes there are multiples, but this seems to make up for my fading memory. (And lack of organization (see above) as in planner / calendar etc.)

    Posted by librarylady | December 31, 2013, 10:03 pm
  3. Memory stick 😆

    Wishing you a Happy New Year!

    Posted by Eric Alagan | December 31, 2013, 1:06 am
  4. Great post. Love the cartoons 🙂

    Posted by jennifer Windram | December 30, 2013, 10:13 pm
  5. I have had a jolly good laugh out loud, thank you. Especially with the tights over the head! Happy New Year!

    Posted by Bruce Goodman | December 30, 2013, 6:43 pm
  6. Very funny, and equally clever.

    Posted by echoesofthepen | December 30, 2013, 2:02 pm

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