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Blue soup and dog biscuits

tilly biscuit

You know that bit in Bridget Jones’s Diary, when she has a dinner party and ends up serving her guests blue soup and marmalade? Had a bit of a moment like that last night. I saw this recipe card in a supermarket, for artichoke and avocado salad, and it looked like the kind of thing that laughing, lightly tanned people eat at sunset on a beach somewhere, with a glass of pinot grigio. So, naturally, I thought I’d make it for my family. Because, of course, if you live with people who think egg and chips is halfway to heaven, they are really going to love an artichoke salad.

The ingredients were extraordinary. Powdered sumac, for example. (Isn’t that the stuff that grows in American forests and can kill you with a single touch? Ed). Sumac? Wtf? Still, they sell it in Waitrose (because that’s where the cosmopolitan intelligentsia shop, after all) so I mortgaged one of the children and bought a small pot. I got the rest of the ingredients in discount supermarket Aldi (because I need to save the rest of the children for a rainy day).

I’d just like to say here that I blame everything on WordPress. The trouble with attempting complicated recipes (or anything else) is that you have to think about them, and not what’s happening to your blog stats. So in between nipping to my computer to see if I was getting any comments, and shouted conversations with my teenage son on the lines of, ‘You mean you’ve had the entire holidays to do your homework and you’ve only found out about it now?’, I began.

Of course, I had failed to read the recipe correctly. The first thing it called for was half a ciabatta. Of course it did. So I got out two slices of Hovis, cut them up with a pair of scissors, put them in a bowl with olive oil and the sumac and then put them into the oven to turn into croutons. Then, feeling unusually domestic, I made a quiche and put it in the oven.

Then I went to check on my blog again and forgot where I was. Then I remembered about the croutons. Got them out of the oven just in time. Husband entered kitchen, looked at them, and said, ‘Are we having dog biscuits for tea?’

Got out large knife and chopped up husband other ingredients. Except the most important one, the lettuce, which I forgot. Took out the quiche. The pastry had collapsed, and I realised I had also forgotten to put any cheese in it. It looked like an omelette pond. Put salad on table. Put quiche on table. Called everybody.

Three hours later, the shy inhabitants of the house’s interior begin arriving in kitchen. Son looks at salad and picks up a crouton. ‘What’s this?’

‘Dog biscuit,’ says husband.

Son looks pityingly at him. ‘That’s not a dog biscuit, dad. It’s a futon.’

About elainecanham

I started blogging because I'm a writer, and I thought I ought to. Now I realise that I blog because I lwant to; even when I can't think of much to say. I do a lot of work for local businesses - get in touch if you like my style.


26 thoughts on “Blue soup and dog biscuits

  1. Ate a dog biscuit once as a child, much better with jam, peanut butter too dry:) love this:) you dog looks like mine:)

    Posted by InfiniteZip | May 9, 2014, 10:50 am
  2. I really want to say something funny to rival the laughter of this piece, but it has left me giggly and wordless! Wonderful!

    Posted by Bruce Goodman | April 25, 2014, 8:49 pm
  3. Artichokes…Blergh blergh blergh. I know one thing about sumac. It isn’t tarmac. And if you lay down on a crouton, you know about it the next day.

    Posted by Jools | April 25, 2014, 6:19 pm
  4. Great post, unexpectedly funny lines kept me wanting to read the next.

    Posted by Jessy Kharbanda | April 25, 2014, 5:55 pm
  5. And I’m certainly not one of those!

    Posted by elainecanham | April 25, 2014, 5:49 pm
  6. This post just really made my day! Very very funny 😊

    Posted by Sally | April 25, 2014, 3:54 pm
    • Thank you. That’s lovely of you. You know those croutons in the picture? I left the plate out and the dog sneaked into the kitchen an hour ago and ate one of them. She left the other. Says a lot….

      Posted by elainecanham | April 25, 2014, 3:59 pm
    • Hahahaha! Oh well, even domestic goddesses can have an off day 😝

      Posted by Sally | April 25, 2014, 5:26 pm
  7. Needed a good laugh to start my day off with. Thanks

    Posted by lbwoodgate | April 25, 2014, 1:31 pm
  8. I’m sure the futons were well received even if the artichokes got a luke warm reception.
    xxx Huge Hugs xxx

    Posted by davidprosser | April 25, 2014, 12:44 pm
    • You can see from the picture that they weren’t exactly gobbled up. I cd send you some…I’m sure they’d keep. I could probably market them as provisions for an Arctic trek.

      Posted by elainecanham | April 25, 2014, 1:00 pm
  9. This was a funny piece. You even used a double entendre. You bought a small pot. Are you in Colorado and doing it illegally in another state. Making new stuff is a trying experience.

    Posted by awax1217 | April 25, 2014, 12:16 pm
  10. Sounds like a typical day at my house… Accompanied by sounds of ‘yuck, I’m not eating that!’ from younger son, regardless of what I put on the table.

    Posted by MarinaSofia | April 25, 2014, 12:11 pm
  11. The fun of new recipes. They never look like the picture.

    Posted by Charles Yallowitz | April 25, 2014, 11:52 am
    • Actually, it tasted ok. But nobody noticed the sumac, and the kids wouldn’t touch the artichokes at any price. Cucumber went down a storm, though.

      Posted by elainecanham | April 25, 2014, 11:54 am

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