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The Twinkies have landed

twinkie box

I am editing something at the moment that has a bibliography so long it stretches out like the explanation in Star Wars, to some galaxy far far away. I have to check every entry, and so far, on my way to Betelgeuse Minor, I’ve only got to Basingstoke. (Metaphorically speaking, because everybody knows that if you get to Basingstoke, you never get out again).

So naturally, I have turned to cake. Fellow blogger Naptime Thoughts was so astounded by the fact that I didn’t know what a Twinkie was, that she sent me a packet. In return I sent her Cadbury’s mini rolls and Jaffa cakes (which are what God has for his elevenses).

The Twinkies arrived yesterday, after a two-week journey, but there are no worries about them going off because, according to Naptime Thoughts et al, they are:

  • mostly made of plastic;
  • designed to survive Armageddon.

It was a hot day, and we were all in the yard lounging about, drinking tea and watching husband and son-in-law mending bicycles, when Julia the post lady arrived. The parcel caused the kind of excitement not seen, I suspect, since the people on Hawaii looked at Captain Cook, saw past his gaudy wrappings, and thought, hmm, dinner.

Captain Cook

Captain Cook

Everyone watched as I wrestled open the packet and extracted the brightly coloured box (containing 10 individually wrapped golden sponge cakes with a creamy filling). There was writing on the box next to the sell-by date, saying ‘LIES’ and an arrow pointing out the Twinkie cowboy (some kind of cultural icon?) and a note saying, love from America.

The reactions were roughly:

Julia the post lady – ‘What’s a Twinkie? Oh, cake. All the way from New Jersey? That’s a lot to pay for postage. Still, that’s America for you. You’ve got two bills and some junk mail. No. I can’t throw it away before I give it to you.’

Husband (swallowing one whole) – ‘Mmmph. Nice. Bit sweet. Can you put the kettle on?’

Son in law – ‘Nice but they’re not as good as I thought they’d be, considering how people are always going on about them in films. I thought they’d be orgasmic. Like chocolate hob nobs. Is there tea?’

Daughter – ‘The inside is just like a Tunnocks Tea Cake. Do they have Tunnocks tea cakes in America? Shall I put the kettle on?’

Teenage son – ‘This is what they eat in that zombie film.’

Teenage son’s best mate – ‘They’re lovely. I love them… I’d love another one.’

So, thanks, America, (and Naptime Thoughts) and here are my conclusions on the cultural cake exchange:

  • we’re quite familiar with the names of your stuff, but that doesn’t mean we know what it is (Kool aid? Grits? A sedan?);
  • offering to put the kettle on will get you in anywhere;
  • Twinkies are all right, but chocolate hob nobs rule.

And Captain Cook, this advice is probably a bit late, but you’d have been way better off not landing on the beach looking like the Twinkie cowboy.

Twinkie Cowboy

Twinkie Cowboy

Picture of Captain Cook via Creative Commons, courtesy of

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Cook

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About elainecanham

I started blogging because I'm a writer, and I thought I ought to. Now I realise that I blog because I like to; even when I can't think of much to say.

Discussion

24 thoughts on “The Twinkies have landed

  1. There’s a lot to be said for food which truly does have a sell-by date. Unless it’s honey, long-dated ‘food’ makes me feel a bit like an old engine covered in goo.

    Posted by Tara Sparling | August 9, 2014, 10:06 am
  2. That’s a fabulous idea. You’re right about the things we feel familiar with because we’ve heard about them but never tried or set eyes on. When I was in Louisiana with a friend she loved grits and now I can say I know what they are…

    Posted by olganm | August 8, 2014, 10:51 am
    • Thanks, Olga. It was good fun, and interesting too, from all sorts of angles. Apparently grits are yuck. What did you think of them?

      Posted by elainecanham | August 8, 2014, 10:58 am
    • The first time I visited the deep south I was served grits.They are yuck, and they’re just polenta, really. Polenta dressed up like tiny watery mouse turds. I asked how to eat them, because there are many different ways that southerners like to eat them, and I was told to dump a bunch of sugar in the bowl and mix it around. It was so bad. It was so so bad..

      Posted by naptimethoughts | August 8, 2014, 3:17 pm
    • I don’t know why that makes me laugh, but it does. Waiter! i need some sugar for my mouse turds!

      Posted by elainecanham | August 8, 2014, 3:44 pm
    • How about this: waiter I could use some more maple syrup for my watery mouse turds.
      That was the other option presented to me.
      Reality: Watery mouse turds are not good sweet, salty or buttery. Watery mouse turds are, in fact, still watery mouse turds no matter what condiment you apply to them.

      Posted by naptimethoughts | August 8, 2014, 10:34 pm
  3. OMG. I always thought Twinkies were young and gay, far far too sweet and definitely not for devouring. Arte they also known as cream puffs?

    Posted by Bruce Goodman | August 7, 2014, 7:58 pm
  4. The best drakes cakes is the coffee cake… But I don’t know if you can have those in England, what with all that tea ya’ll’re drinkin’

    Posted by naptimethoughts | August 7, 2014, 7:15 pm
    • We have coffee too! We like coffee. Just need tea.

      Posted by elainecanham | August 7, 2014, 7:17 pm
    • Hmmm… I wonder if my jaffa cake supplier has dark chocolate hob nobs as well.

      Posted by naptimethoughts | August 7, 2014, 9:45 pm
    • they are the best biscuits, although I can’t vouch for dark chocolate, as opposed to milk chocolate. And then there’s Cadbury’s chocolate fingers….and how about a nice Abernethy? Garibaldi? Shortbread finger? Wouldn’t bother with Fox’s pink wafers, very disappointing. Although their party rings are lovely. And their Viennese fingers, well, sell my clothes I’m going to heaven.

      Posted by elainecanham | August 7, 2014, 9:52 pm
    • I’ll have to try them all. I kind of have a thing for snack cakes– but over here ‘cross the pond, they’re trying to kill us all with all the crap they put in them. They’re hardly fit for human consumption. Did you look at the ingredients? A couple won’t hurt you but as a cake for tea every day, not so much. (Right you have cakes and tea? Or biscuits? ’round 4?)

      Posted by naptimethoughts | August 7, 2014, 10:03 pm
    • we mostly have tea and biscuits when we can think of any excuse for it. you mustn’t imagine us warming pots and sitting round an occasional table while people in plus fours stalk past.

      Posted by elainecanham | August 7, 2014, 11:54 pm
  5. I totally forgot Drakes cakes! I’ll stick a devil dog in there too.

    Posted by naptimethoughts | August 7, 2014, 7:14 pm
    • My God. Be careful of the postage. I’ve just been looking on Twitter. There’s a recipe on there for Twinkies dipped in chocolate with hundreds and thousands (sprinkles?) I mean, how much sugar can one person eat at one go?

      Posted by elainecanham | August 7, 2014, 7:41 pm
  6. Tut tut. you’re not very specific Elaine. It’s the dark chocolate hobnobs are to die for.
    Thanks to your choice of goodies to send over they’ll never go back to Twinkies and the British shopm will increase it’s profits.

    xxx Mammoth Hugs xxx

    Posted by davidprosser | August 7, 2014, 3:22 pm
  7. Excellent Zombieland reference. I think they have a Red Velvet variety of Twinkie. Personally, I was always more of a Devil Dogs fan. 🙂

    Posted by Charles Yallowitz | August 7, 2014, 12:32 pm
    • Now look what you’ve done! Devil dogs???? What are they?

      Posted by elainecanham | August 7, 2014, 12:37 pm
    • Two long rectangular pieces of chocolate cake (rounded corners) with thick cream in the middle. Company that makes them are is Drake’s Cakes. I want to say that I’ve heard of a UK version, but I’m not sure. They’re definitely not as unique as Twinkies.

      Posted by Charles Yallowitz | August 7, 2014, 1:06 pm

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