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Just stuff (things on my mind that aren't to do with writing)

When a blog queen waives the rules

VIB award

I don’t normally accept awards, because I can’t cope with the general request to think up seven interesting facts about myself. But Naptime Thoughts nominated me the other week for the Very Inspiring Blog award, in which (since she has changed the rules) you are allowed to lie through your teeth. How could I refuse?? Also, go check out her blog. It’s very good.

The first instruction is how you would change the world if you were in charge.

blog award2

First off,  I would banish:

  • Hot flushes;
  • Telephone answering systems – especially the ones that go, ‘Okay’ in a really irritating Lancashire accent. ‘You’ve told me you want to pay £5 off your balance. Shall I take £5,000 out of your account?’blog award 3
  • Dirty laundry. Everybody is to wear paper clothes and be issued with a rubber (or eraser, ed). Except me, who shall wear Valentino and look coolly magnificent at all times.
  • The link between eating and putting on weight.
  • The phrases, ‘Where’s my (insert word of choice)?’ ‘What’s for tea?’ and ‘Mum, this car is embarrassing.’blog award 4
  • Parking machines;
  • Traffic wardens;
  • People who talk to me in the third person when I’m with my children, ‘Does mum want to come in too?’
  • Vets that call me mummy, ‘So mummy thinks you’re anally impacted, does she?’
  • Every single human being that says, ‘Going forward,’ when talking about the future. Or uses the words, ‘facilitate, empowerment, framework conditions, or significant outcomes.’
  • The North Sea.
  • Magazines that are forever telling you to go out and buy new stuff. I don’t need new plates or a new sofa for Christmas. In fact, I don’t need to read about Christmas in October.
  • blog award 6
  • All talk about Christmas until December 23.

(That’s enough moaning,ed).

Ok. Ten things I have to make up about myself, but that I wish were true.

Hmmm. Right. I would like to:

  • be a model on a knitting pattern, next to a man (or two, I don’t mind) modelling a balaclava;
  • blog award 5
  • speak fluent Japanese (and be able to show this off, regularly);
  • sing like Aretha Franklin;
  • play the banjo;
  • win a BAFTA (for anything, really, just so as I can go to the awards ceremony and make a very long speech);
  • make a Victoria Sponge that is more than 1cm tall.

So now I nominate:

Bruce Goodman, with the plea that he doesn’t stop blogging at the end of the year.

First Night Design, beautiful artwork, and great historical stuff;

Larry Woodgate, love his exasperated views of American politics;

Charles Yallowitz, check out his books;

Tara Sparling, one of the funniest bloggers I’ve read;

Sally, with her humorous views on motherhood;

Olga, who is possibly the kindest and cleverest blogger I’ve come across;

Mel Healy, really thoughtful stuff, and when he’s not being serious, very funny;

David Prosser, massive hugs;

Simon, check out his cooking – and his pictures.

All pictures via Creative Commons, courtesy of:

God: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b0/Schnorr_von_Carolsfeld_Bibel_in_Bildern_1860_001.png

Annoying person: http://cdn.someecards.com/someecards/usercards/1331768942223_8086082.png

Clown car; http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/e4/Shriner_Clowns_Ferndale_CA.jpg

Balaclava: https://c2.staticflickr.com/4/3306/4619273877_b8d7380de6_z.jpg

Scrooge http://s0.geograph.org.uk/geophotos/01/92/41/1924169_d5367653.jpg

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About elainecanham

I started blogging because I'm a writer, and I thought I ought to. Now I realise that I blog because I like to; even when I can't think of much to say.

Discussion

54 thoughts on “When a blog queen waives the rules

  1. I will forever laugh at this:
    “so mummy thinks you’re anally impacted, does she?”

    Posted by naptimethoughts | October 27, 2014, 9:57 pm
  2. That is the best award acceptance post I’ve read, and I actually enjoyed reading it, which is a change from a lot of “Acceptance” posts. I agree with you about Christmas which should begin about mid-day on the 23rd December in my opinion, although some preparatory decorating and tree-erecting is allowable before hand. If there was an award for the best acceptance post I would award it to you, and then I could enjoy making up the conditions of acceptance including stuff like, “Name five diets you have tried which have failed. You worst cooked meal. First shop-lifting experience. OK, you get the idea

    Posted by Peter Wells aka Countingducks | October 27, 2014, 12:45 pm
    • Go on then. Why not? But you have to do it first.

      Posted by elainecanham | October 27, 2014, 2:11 pm
    • I don’t think I ever went in for shop-lifting, but I was prosecuted once for riding two up on a bicycle, in contravention of the 1972 Road Traffic Act, and riding a bicycle on a pavement, in contravention of the 1894 Footpath Act. I was fined £3 for the first offence and £2 for the the second. Those were the days.

      Posted by elainecanham | October 27, 2014, 2:20 pm
  3. Yes! No more talking about Christmas in October. But I still need to start making my Christmas cards in August, if that’s ok with you. 🙂

    Posted by Jools | October 21, 2014, 2:57 pm
  4. What have you unleased, Elaine?? Giving me permission to lie?? My nearest and dearest are in despair. I only heard about this half an hour ago and so far I’ve already re-invented religion and run for government.

    Posted by Tara Sparling | October 20, 2014, 10:35 pm
  5. Thanks Elaine especially for your kind words.Love your suggestions…I’d like to see you in Room 101…:)

    Posted by olganm | October 20, 2014, 9:21 pm
    • Trouble is, I wouldn’t be able to stop; all those seemingly daily irritations that mount up until you just want to scream, like Peter Finch in the film, ‘Throw open your window now, and shout: “I’m as mad as hell, and I don’t give a damn!”‘

      Posted by elainecanham | October 20, 2014, 9:27 pm
  6. Reblogged this on naptimethoughts and commented:
    Elaine’s contribution to the last award I will be accepting and passing on. Where, may I ask, are the rest of you? Hmmmmm???

    Posted by naptimethoughts | October 20, 2014, 8:22 pm
  7. I thank you Elaine, and once I finish my last bit of homework I shall officially become award free. Time sucks, those are. (Imagine that in my fake British accent)

    Posted by naptimethoughts | October 20, 2014, 8:19 pm
  8. Thankee Kindly. Shall I take £5000 from your bank account?
    xxx Huge Hugs xxx

    Posted by davidprosser | October 20, 2014, 8:09 pm
  9. Who? Meee!!!

    Well Thanky, as Snuffy Smith would say

    Posted by lbwoodgate | October 20, 2014, 7:51 pm
  10. I’d go with everything on that top list! Bless you for the nomination but as I said….! Thanks for the vote of confidence.

    Posted by First Night Design | October 20, 2014, 7:16 pm
  11. Thanks for the nomination. Given it is different I shall attempt to comply! When you said you were lying, I reckon you were lying through your teeth.

    Posted by Bruce Goodman | October 20, 2014, 6:56 pm

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