So you’ve spent weeks planning what to buy people, you’ve braved the crowds and trawled the internet until your eyes bleed and your credit card crumbles. And then you wake up on Christmas morning and discover that your nearest and dearest have had mass hypnosis, or frontal lobotomies (or one too many sherries), and have decided that you really needed a dressing gown that you can wear while appearing on Only Fools and Horses:
(from play.com)
Or, possibly a pair of socks (pretend you’re a Brit on holiday!) :
(iwantoneofthose.com)
Gloves that look like underpants? Yes, handerpants are just for you! (Slip them on and pretend you’re having that perfect apres ski moment with the Beckhams):
They might even have got you a farting teddy bear (he just can’t help himself…you are in for a surprise!)
And look at this nice wallet. Mmm. Tasty. (You’ll bring home the bacon in this, fnar, fnar)
But, (and be afraid here, be very afraid) all this is as nothing when I tell you that my husband, who is a practical kind of guy, was once stuck for what to give his brother as a Christmas present.
‘I know exactly the thing,’ his dad said. ‘He needs a manhole cover.’
(He got screwdrivers)
raindeer hat courtesy of http://www.baronbob.com/humping-reindeer-har.htm
I’ll have the socks and the farty bear, please. Lily will have the bacon wallet – she says it looks tasty.
I cd probably find one covered in catnip…or vole skin
I want them all. If the purpose of this posting was to instil greed and covetousness, then you succeeded.
I have to admit I’m quite attracted by the reindeer shagging hat…
OMG! I never noticed what they were doing. I want what they’re getting for Xmas.
Thank God you posted this. I was beginning to think that the hob-nailed boots I bought you in the shape of Greenland might have been a bit naff. Although I did think you’d prefer them to my first choice, which was a duck-fat candle whittled into the shape of a large Cossack.
Yes, you’re bang on, as usual, Tara. I’ve already got a pair of those candles and what I thought was a genuine Afridi djebella, but it turned out to be a tea towel.
Send those boots immediately! I hope they’re lined with fake lime green fur and have little orange dice on the ends of the laces.
They’re on their way to you. I’m sending them by yak. I thought it best, after the incident with the nun and the ginger nuts.
Not yaks again. Last time, they ate the wing mirrors off next door’s car.
Damn, I forgot. But they’re not sale or return. Look, when they arrive, just give them some warm mead and do some Mongolian throat singing. That usually keeps them calm.
I’m practising now.
I can see how this could roll and roll. Mind you, if Lady Gaga can wear a meat dress…
so, that’s her sorted then…
The underwear gloves and the bacon walnut are on my Wish List. How did you know? 😀 😀 😀
I looked into my solar powered crystal ball with key-finder attachment
I am i.m.p.r.e.s.s.e.d. you’d go to all that trouble. 😀
😀 😀
Boy, have I been living under a rock! I think I’ll crawl in just a bit deeper, after seeing these!
But. Socks and sandals are a bad thing?
It’s a national joke in Britain; men in socks, sandals and ill fitting khaki shorts. You don’t see so many of them these days. We’re talking socks and Jesus sandals here, not socks and Mary Janes.
🙂 Thanks for the cultural lesson. I’ll bear this in mind!
It’s odd what we don’t know about each other, isn’t it? And that we don’t know that we don’t know, if you see what I mean.
🙂
I actually know someone who bought a bacon wallet. The thing doesn’t even look cooked.
Would it be better if it did?
Personally, I think it would look more sanitary. Salmonella sucks. Still be extremely tacky though.
Sanitary but greasy. I suppose that might be better than clammy and disease-ridden.
Looks to me as if they couldn’t find anyone to actually model that reindeer hat. It appears to have been copied and pasted on her head. Would she be smiling like that if she was really looking like Frau Nerd?
yes, I thought that too!
Those handerpants are going on my Christmas list! 🎁
Noooooooooo!
I think half my family would be delighted with the farting bear. I won’t say which half.
Best not to.
You’re right. I’m afraid. Amongst last years gifts were a sponge moustache on a stick and socks with various animal characters on ( wrong size ) as well as a game where I electrocute myself if I touch a wire while trying to complete a jourrney from one end of a wire to the other with a looped wire stick.
OK, so I’m guilty of passing those on this year to some other poor soul.
xxx Huge Hugs xxx
At least its recycling….and you can’t say you’ve killed the planet with a farting bear x
To be honest, I could see myself pressing the remote control for the farting bear so I could see the looks on young visitor’s faces. The rest of the stuff, however, can stay at the store.
Except… I could always use another pair or two of socks. Don’t know how I go through them so quickly. *shrugs*
socks yes, but, pleeese, not sandal socks. British men have only just been trained not to wear socks with sandals; don’t let this nightmare start again!
Socks with sandals is (in my humble opinion) of the devil. Make up your mind. Either wear real shoes or leave the socks at home. *shudders*
Confession time: I quite fancy the bacon wallet.
Good egg!