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When a blog queen waives the rules

VIB award

I don’t normally accept awards, because I can’t cope with the general request to think up seven interesting facts about myself. But Naptime Thoughts nominated me the other week for the Very Inspiring Blog award, in which (since she has changed the rules) you are allowed to lie through your teeth. How could I refuse?? Also, go check out her blog. It’s very good.

The first instruction is how you would change the world if you were in charge.

blog award2

First off,  I would banish:

  • Hot flushes;
  • Telephone answering systems – especially the ones that go, ‘Okay’ in a really irritating Lancashire accent. ‘You’ve told me you want to pay £5 off your balance. Shall I take £5,000 out of your account?’blog award 3
  • Dirty laundry. Everybody is to wear paper clothes and be issued with a rubber (or eraser, ed). Except me, who shall wear Valentino and look coolly magnificent at all times.
  • The link between eating and putting on weight.
  • The phrases, ‘Where’s my (insert word of choice)?’ ‘What’s for tea?’ and ‘Mum, this car is embarrassing.’blog award 4
  • Parking machines;
  • Traffic wardens;
  • People who talk to me in the third person when I’m with my children, ‘Does mum want to come in too?’
  • Vets that call me mummy, ‘So mummy thinks you’re anally impacted, does she?’
  • Every single human being that says, ‘Going forward,’ when talking about the future. Or uses the words, ‘facilitate, empowerment, framework conditions, or significant outcomes.’
  • The North Sea.
  • Magazines that are forever telling you to go out and buy new stuff. I don’t need new plates or a new sofa for Christmas. In fact, I don’t need to read about Christmas in October.
  • blog award 6
  • All talk about Christmas until December 23.

(That’s enough moaning,ed).

Ok. Ten things I have to make up about myself, but that I wish were true.

Hmmm. Right. I would like to:

  • be a model on a knitting pattern, next to a man (or two, I don’t mind) modelling a balaclava;
  • blog award 5
  • speak fluent Japanese (and be able to show this off, regularly);
  • sing like Aretha Franklin;
  • play the banjo;
  • win a BAFTA (for anything, really, just so as I can go to the awards ceremony and make a very long speech);
  • make a Victoria Sponge that is more than 1cm tall.

So now I nominate:

Bruce Goodman, with the plea that he doesn’t stop blogging at the end of the year.

First Night Design, beautiful artwork, and great historical stuff;

Larry Woodgate, love his exasperated views of American politics;

Charles Yallowitz, check out his books;

Tara Sparling, one of the funniest bloggers I’ve read;

Sally, with her humorous views on motherhood;

Olga, who is possibly the kindest and cleverest blogger I’ve come across;

Mel Healy, really thoughtful stuff, and when he’s not being serious, very funny;

David Prosser, massive hugs;

Simon, check out his cooking – and his pictures.

All pictures via Creative Commons, courtesy of:

God: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b0/Schnorr_von_Carolsfeld_Bibel_in_Bildern_1860_001.png

Annoying person: http://cdn.someecards.com/someecards/usercards/1331768942223_8086082.png

Clown car; http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/e4/Shriner_Clowns_Ferndale_CA.jpg

Balaclava: https://c2.staticflickr.com/4/3306/4619273877_b8d7380de6_z.jpg

Scrooge http://s0.geograph.org.uk/geophotos/01/92/41/1924169_d5367653.jpg

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