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My words (a random display of my own creative writing), poetry

I love you! (part 2)


Time passes and life stirs in the mud.

Her body lifts. An arm, a leg; they squelch back into place;

A bright eye bobs from a blackbird’s nest, sucked into its socket.

Blood raises like a curtain; and swerves back to the pump.

She flaps uncertainly.

And reaches for the sun once more.

‘I love you!’ she cries.

And every window opens as she goes by.

They stare at her from shops and homes and buses.

Past trees and granite soldiers,

And grimy paper swirling in the wind,

She loops and circles.

New love giving new life.

‘I love you! I love you! she cries once more.

And, as if by some unrealistic miracle, he springs out of nowhere, catches her and says, “I’m not entirely indifferent to you myself”.


I wrote this in response to the suggestions I had for I love you! which I posted on Saturday. The last line is by Peter Wells at Counting Ducks


Picture via Creative Commons, courtesy of  https://c1.staticflickr.com/3/2357/2511306490_3173996d85_b.

About elainecanham

I started blogging because I'm a writer, and I thought I ought to. Now I realise that I blog because I lwant to; even when I can't think of much to say. I do a lot of work for local businesses - get in touch if you like my style.


20 thoughts on “I love you! (part 2)

  1. I am not entirely indifferent to this poem myself. ROFL Yes, I did find it adorable. Thanks for sharing! ❤

    Posted by keikomushi | October 30, 2014, 4:10 am
  2. Well done. Evocative. Wonderful really. (But I would’ve preferred a poetic pile of blood and guts at the bottom).

    Posted by Bruce Goodman | October 27, 2014, 6:31 pm
  3. Very nice and poignant in how it conveys we often crush through our self-interests the very things that brighten the world for many of us.

    Posted by lbwoodgate | October 27, 2014, 12:32 pm
  4. It makes me think (okay, make as much fun of me as you like) of the end of the fifth Harry Potter book. (yes, I’m that geek) There’s a bird in a glass canary cage that has a bird that grows from an egg to a bird, and dies, it’s ashes forming an egg, and so on. That is my contribution, do with it as you wish.

    Posted by naptimethoughts | October 27, 2014, 12:00 pm
  5. OK, I’m smiling now. Just to be awkward, because that is the man I am, we could find out that the reason she jumped in the first place was she discovered he already had a wife, The reason she was “re-born” or whatever, is that he discovers he loves her more than the present incumbent. That aside, I love this poetry, it both dry and emotive, which is a combination I admire 🙂

    Posted by Peter Wells aka Countingducks | October 27, 2014, 10:55 am
    • Thanks Peter, that’s really nice of you. The only problem being is that I never actually thought of the ‘she’ as a person. It’s just how love grows and dies (or dies and grows in this case). And, I’d never let any of my heroines jump out of a window for a two timing rat. (They might push him out, though….)

      Posted by elainecanham | October 27, 2014, 11:18 am

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